Heaven Help Me: I tried Asparagus Juice

I have good news and bad news. C'mon, aren't you just a little bit curious?

I was browsing an online market the other day, picking up a few tried and trues like fresh lemongrass, mochi flour, and matcha Oreo crunchy rolls, and I came across a little can I just couldn’t resist. The package design alone seals the deal, implying both a beach body and a refreshing beach-appropriate beverage (straw not included). Knock back a few of these and you’ll win the big Bikini Race for sure, all-fours division. Plus, it contains, um, refreshing(?) and fashionable(?)…asparagus.

I’ve never heard of this before, but I’m in the global minority — it turns out it’s pretty common in Asia, especially Taiwan. There are several brands available that generally market health benefits as opposed to delicious flavor, but let’s keep an open mind.

One of the things I’m most curious about is the viscosity. The only vegetable juice I’ve had previously is V8 or carrot, both of which are almost like soup. I love fresh asparagus, but that notion gives me pause, I admit — canned asparagus has all the charisma of boiled chalk. But the beach art makes me hope that this is light, carbonated, and somehow tolerable. Let’s pour it out!

The scent is…regrettable. It’s sweet, but distinctly vegetal, and I’m reminded of my recent tangle with Raisin Bran and canned pea casserole, which I lost. In retrospect, I’m relieved to report it is not carbonated. I’ve photographed it here with ice, both because I want to highlight how strangely translucent it is, and because I don’t think I can drink it warm.

It’s not soup, though. At worst, it’s broth. Down the hatch!

Hoooo boy. How to describe this flavor? Fresh asparagus has a characteristic scent due to its sulfur-containing thiol compounds, and yes, that’s whats responsible for the famous asparagus pee smell (if you’re genetically favored with no idea what I’m talking about, you can read a very highbrow story about the mystery from NPR here). Such compounds are anti-oxidants and believed to be good for you, but when they’re heated for a long time, such as with pasteurization, the fully embrace their sulfur side and stink to high heaven. The scent and flavor here aren’t strong, but they do say "canned vegetables”. I had been hoping for something with raw, green notes, maybe an herbal or woody quality, but this is most evocative of the liquid from a can of green beans, diluted and sugared.

I’ll just leave the second can on the shelf here, for decoration.

So whyyyyyy is the product a thing? Asparagus is native to the continent of Eurasia, and it’s widely consumed as a solid all over the world. In addition to the aforementioned thiols, it’s chock full of other delicious and healthful nutraceuticals like polyphenols and anthocyanins, as well as garden-variety (hardee-har-har) micronutrients like fiber and B vitamins. But, is the liquid form actually healthy? Asparagus is a very good source of potassium in particular, so we can use the potassium shown on the label to estimate how much asparagus goodness you’re getting per can. Since asparagus contains about 200 mg of potassium per 100 g serving, and this drink has, lemme see here, 0% of your daily value…well, you do the math.

Asparagus is really good for you, but this drink is mostly MSG-laced sugar. Hopefully some of the other varieties on the market offer some benefit, but for this brand at least, I can’t recommend drinking it for any purpose other than, um, enjoyment. I know you’re devastated. (More questions about health aspects? See the RDs note at the end.)

But, here’s the thing about my perverse enjoyment of foods that seem weird to me (and why I chose this product to talk about as a dietitian): the people who came up with those crazy mid-century Jell-O salads really enjoyed them, and if I put myself in their time, when the post-war embrace of the best bright colors petroleum science could offer brought joy to millions…I get it. They prioritize speed, thrift, and celebration. I would have loved them un-ironically, too.

It’s also worth remembering that, as Mid-Century Menu recently featured, the United States has also had an intermittent love affair with canned vegetables, as in this recipe for “Piquant Tomato Juice”, which contains both horseradish and the liquid drained from canned peas. Some idea that it’s a weird foreign thing is ludicrously untrue.

“Chill thoroughly.” Oh, I’m chilled all right, to the bone.

So, I know that I only like my favorite foods because I was born to them in this time and place. There’s nothing inherently good or bad about anything someone likes — or doesn’t. It’s just fun to talk about my reactions! The truth is,

ALL HUMAN FOOD IS BIZARRE.

Your love for the foods you’re most familiar with is but an illusion, and our ideas of what’s “normal” or “healthy” willfully oblivious. Americans regularly eat pulverized grass seeds left to rot until pre-digested and flavored by yeast by-products, sweetened with bee vomit, radiated until it blackens to form delightfully wholesome-sounding compounds like acetyl tetrahydropyridine, and then smeared with the concentrated and refined glandular secretions of a domesticated ungulate of the genus Bos. Toast never sounded so appetizing!

So no, I did not care for the asparagus juice, but that’s just me. You might love it! And the orange KitKats, Thai basil pea crackers and tamarind candy I got in the same box rock my socks. So, the next time you peruse some grocery aisles, whether online or in person, think about trying something new, something unfamiliar, something you might not like. It’s okay not to like it, because it’s the experience of practicing tasting with an open mind that will serve your healthy relationship with food. Just go at your own pace. It doesn’t have to be crazy to be an adventure.

But it could be!

RD’s notes: I loved my order from Weee! but I paid for it myself and don’t have any agreement or deal with them. It was super fun to browse and try some new things, and I got a pound of fresh lemongrass for $1.49, delivered. I also love ishopindian.com for Indian groceries and extremely reasonably priced bulk spices (again, no deal or samples, just love to order from there, your mileage may vary). I don’t know a Latin American grocer to personally recommend as reliable since I can get just about anything nearby, but San Antonio’s Feliz Modern has a few fun Mexican-style candies with traditional textures and flavors, including the scrumptious Chewlows from Tamalitoz. (If you didn’t catch the bilingual pun, trust me — it’s hilariously cheeky.)

About canned veggies: I grew up eating a canned vegetables, and still use tons of canned tomatoes, beans, chiles, and beets, but these days canned green is not my favorite. Although fresh or frozen are more nutritious, canned veggies still have a lot more nutritional value than not eating them at all. If they’re your thing, go for it! If you need to watch your sodium intake, try no-salt-added even if you add a little yourself while cooking.